WHY MY WILLY IS LIKE ICONS OF THE SEVENTIES

My Willy is like...

BELLBOTTOMS - because they are slim at the top, wide at the bottom, and they drag in the dirt. 
 
THREE'S COMPANY - because it's fine with two girls and a guy on it, but things get tricky when Mr. Roper shows up. And did I remember seeing comic actor Don Knotts on it once?

A FAKE GOLD CHAIN - because a lot of men wrapped it around their necks in the seventies and their skin turned green.

CHER - because neither of them enjoy Sonny Bono's clammy little hands all over them.


CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND - because it’s spooky, thought-provoking, and the last decent thing Spielberg ever did.
 
A PET ROCK - because it’s pointless, costly, and comes in a box. 

THE DONNY AND MARIE SHOW - because it's something the whole family can enjoy until they trot out their annoying little brother Jimmy.

STRETCH ARMSTRONG - because I’m warning you, if you stretch it too far, it will never spring back and then it’s ruined.

THE FIRST APPLE COMPUTER - because no one had any idea how big it would become. (Oh, and I hate Steve Jobs. That’s not about my willy; it’s just true.) 
 
THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE - because it once pinned Gene Hackman upside down.

THE WALKMAN - because it’s too big to fit in your pocket, but do you really want to be seen with it hanging over your belt?

BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY - because it's way too long and unwieldy, but had a surprising resurgence in popularity thanks to Michael Myers.

THE BRADY BUNCH - because people of a certain age remember it fondly even though it was never very good.

POLAROID CAMERAS - because you point it at someone and then wait to see what develops. 
 
PUFNSTUF – because it’s easier to understand why you’re watching it if you’re on shrooms.
 
A MOOD RING - because it changes colors based on how hot things get.
 
PLANET OF THE APES - because if you cover him up with enough make-up you can’t tell that he looks like Roddy McDowell.
 
THE BICENTENIAL - because it only comes once every 200 years.

SHRINKY DINKS - because... well, that's pretty obvious isn't it?