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  • Links
  • About
  • Video
  • Audio
  • Found
  • Comics
  • Words
    • Scott Poem
    • God Looks Through Ozone Hole
    • Infant's Finger Painting
    • Lady Satan Rehashed
    • Poltergeist Proof
    • Innocent Goat Man
    • Bowl of Mush
    • 200 Celebration
    • Earthworms
    • Why My Willy is Like Icons of the 70's
    • AI Writes Transformative Hotdog Song
    • Ghost of Widow's Husband
    • Babies Are Useless
    • Monk Urine Is Cleaner
    • George Santos Lies
    • BTS: What Does it Mean
    • Zookeeper Cuts Off Arm
    • HYDROMAN REHASHED
    • I Watch the Super Bowl
    • Tales of Terror - Hold My Hand
    • Oh How He Sat
    • The Change
    • You Got the Lyrics Wrong, Dilweed
    • Woman Chokes on Fortune Cookie
    • The Moon Must Be Stopped
    • Quora Questions
    • My Husband's Inappropriate Remarks
    • Family is a Cult
    • The Price of Success
    • Tales of Terror: The Baby
    • Spot the Differences Army of Darkness
    • I'm All Over It
    • Automatic Thank You Letter
    • Clueless Man
    • What's Buggin You?
    • Child's Playmate is Son of Satan
    • Ask An Expert
    • True Tales of Terror: High Beams
    • Slander Zendaya Buries Puppies Alive
    • Henry Cavill Fired as Superman: Races to Horse to be Paralyzed
    • Crappy Little Free Library Is No Amazon
    • Christmas Wish List
    • Extremist Americans Furious With Extremist Germans
    • Batman vs Hulk
    • Elon Musk Fires Himself
    • Congrats on Your Dumb Baby
    • What I'm Thankful For
    • Donald Trump Blames Matrix
    • Terror Within
    • What Scares You
    • Halloween Candy
    • Adult Happy Meal
    • Horror Movie Life Lessons
    • Dudley Dursley
    • Yellow Ribbon
    • Empty Nesters
    • Haunted Womb
    • Wolfman of Steel
    • Tales of Terror: Hook
    • After All
    • Elf on a Shelf Spin Offs
    • Pie
    • Baby Poetry
    • Florence of Arabia
    • Alec Baldwin Ten Percent
    • Wife TV Shows Bachelor
    • Breakfast Theresa
    • Sexy Demogorgon
    • Where Is My Toe
    • Pinocchio Protest
    • Vegas Disasters
    • Cosby Helps with Anesthesia Shortage
    • Taco Bell Toilet Suicide
    • Ukrainian Mad about Plants
    • Horror For Kids
    • Slander: Britney Spears
    • Elevator Operator
    • Chickens
    • Risk He Had To Take
    • Best Horror
    • Slander: Harry Styles
    • Beautiful Pony
    • Top Ten Wife TV
    • Civil War Essay
    • Aquatica Boy
    • Slander: Tom Holland
    • Abraham Lincoln
    • BatBoy
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a woman peers fearfully through the blinds

WHAT SCARES YOU?

When writing a spooky story, the experts say to “write what scares you.” With that in mind, here are the first sentences of my upcoming horror novels.
 
“Dad,” the boy called out impatiently, “I need help with my chemistry homework.”
 
Todd had never given much thought to the idea of what five records he’d take to a deserted island, but now that his boat had capsized and he’d washed ashore in the middle of nowhere, he was kicking himself for bringing along only Streisand albums “as a joke.”
 
This year the whole extended family had agreed to gather in one central location, a small rented cabin, for the entire Thanksgiving weekend. 
 
Joe was exhausted, depleted really as he rolled reluctantly out of bed and he didn’t think he could face the day at work without his morning cup of steaming hot broccoli juice. 
 
He didn’t know how it could have happened – even after being black out drunk in Vegas – but somehow, some way, it was true: he was now a Kardashian.
 
The pundits on the news programs were saying that the latest strain made Covid-19 look like a day at the park; the only way to avoid contracting this fatal disease was to get outdoors, get close to lots of other people, and socialize. 
 
Jonathan could feel his rage bubbling up to the surface like hot magma, burning away any compassion for the little old lady who had just cut him off in traffic.
 
“Wait, if those were highly classified, top secret documents,” the Secret Service agent yelled, trying to be heard over the blaring alarms as they ran for the bunker, “how did the North Koreans manage to come across them during an invitation golf tournament in Florida?”
 
The year was 2030 and technology was advancing so rapidly that Bill had to download a new operating system every day.
 
“Oh no, you must have misunderstood me, Mr. Thompson,” the doctor chuckled warmly, “because when I said you wouldn’t feel this intense pain for much longer, I meant that you have only a few days to live.”
 
Byron gasped as he looked into the mirror and saw the reflection of the late Charles Nelson Reilly staring back at him. 
 
As he yawned and opened his eyes, Chris realized three things all at once: he didn’t know where he was, he didn’t know why he was naked, and he didn’t know the name of the goat lying beside him – awwwwwkward!

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