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  • Links
  • About
  • Video
  • Audio
  • Found
  • Comics
  • Words
    • Scott Poem
    • God Looks Through Ozone Hole
    • Infant's Finger Painting
    • Lady Satan Rehashed
    • Poltergeist Proof
    • Innocent Goat Man
    • Bowl of Mush
    • 200 Celebration
    • Earthworms
    • Why My Willy is Like Icons of the 70's
    • AI Writes Transformative Hotdog Song
    • Ghost of Widow's Husband
    • Babies Are Useless
    • Monk Urine Is Cleaner
    • George Santos Lies
    • BTS: What Does it Mean
    • Zookeeper Cuts Off Arm
    • HYDROMAN REHASHED
    • I Watch the Super Bowl
    • Tales of Terror - Hold My Hand
    • Oh How He Sat
    • The Change
    • You Got the Lyrics Wrong, Dilweed
    • Woman Chokes on Fortune Cookie
    • The Moon Must Be Stopped
    • Quora Questions
    • My Husband's Inappropriate Remarks
    • Family is a Cult
    • The Price of Success
    • Tales of Terror: The Baby
    • Spot the Differences Army of Darkness
    • I'm All Over It
    • Automatic Thank You Letter
    • Clueless Man
    • What's Buggin You?
    • Child's Playmate is Son of Satan
    • Ask An Expert
    • True Tales of Terror: High Beams
    • Slander Zendaya Buries Puppies Alive
    • Henry Cavill Fired as Superman: Races to Horse to be Paralyzed
    • Crappy Little Free Library Is No Amazon
    • Christmas Wish List
    • Extremist Americans Furious With Extremist Germans
    • Batman vs Hulk
    • Elon Musk Fires Himself
    • Congrats on Your Dumb Baby
    • What I'm Thankful For
    • Donald Trump Blames Matrix
    • Terror Within
    • What Scares You
    • Halloween Candy
    • Adult Happy Meal
    • Horror Movie Life Lessons
    • Dudley Dursley
    • Yellow Ribbon
    • Empty Nesters
    • Haunted Womb
    • Wolfman of Steel
    • Tales of Terror: Hook
    • After All
    • Elf on a Shelf Spin Offs
    • Pie
    • Baby Poetry
    • Florence of Arabia
    • Alec Baldwin Ten Percent
    • Wife TV Shows Bachelor
    • Breakfast Theresa
    • Sexy Demogorgon
    • Where Is My Toe
    • Pinocchio Protest
    • Vegas Disasters
    • Cosby Helps with Anesthesia Shortage
    • Taco Bell Toilet Suicide
    • Ukrainian Mad about Plants
    • Horror For Kids
    • Slander: Britney Spears
    • Elevator Operator
    • Chickens
    • Risk He Had To Take
    • Best Horror
    • Slander: Harry Styles
    • Beautiful Pony
    • Top Ten Wife TV
    • Civil War Essay
    • Aquatica Boy
    • Slander: Tom Holland
    • Abraham Lincoln
    • BatBoy
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A poor white redneck family sits down for a Thanksgiving dinner of KFC and Budweiser

WHAT I'M THANKFUL FOR

by a Right-wing Nutjob

I’m thankful man built tools to carve turkey instead of the other way around. Coulda happened. 
 
I’m thankful my new truck was more expensive than my neighbor’s truck... and he knows it. 
 
I’m thankful I can eat as much as I want at Thanksgiving and every day as long as I drink light beer and diet pepsi.
 
I’m thankful kids at school no longer gotta learn about things that might make them sad or guilty or think.
 
I’m thankful Americans are waking up to the dangers of science, civil rights, and women having a say about their own body parts.  God bless the U.S. of A. and the confederate flag that represents it.
 
I’m thankful for my guns. Damn straight. Don’t care how many kids have to die so I can keep ‘em!
 
I’m thankful my job, and my power, and my privilitches ain’t been stolen yet by “one of them.”
 
I’m thankful my wife knows her place and my kids have a healthy fear of their father. 
 
I’m thankful racism is over and we don’t have to talk about it no more.
 
I’m thankful everyone finally knows that all life is sacred – except for the life of the mother. Or anyone on death row. Or immigrants. Or minorities. Or anyone who disagrees with me. Or actually, any of the unwanted babies once they are born and need anything.
 
I’m thankful for everything good that has come to me, even if it was at someone else’s expense. Hell, ESPECIALLY if it was at someone else’s expense. I deserve it, dammit!
 
I’m thankful for this holiday to honor the how the pilgrims and the Indians forged a cooperation that has lasted to this day. Amen and pass the stuffing!

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