UNKNOWN ACTRESS SLEEPS HER WAY TO THE BOTTOM
Long-time aspiring actress Stephanie Twinkle lamented to anyone who would listen at a local Starbucks last week that her dearth of memorable roles and acting opportunities is the result of her sleeping her way to the bottom.
“I feel like such a fool,” Twinkle said to no one in particular. “All this time I’ve been degrading myself for the opportunity to remain unknown when I should’ve been whoring it up to become a big star.”
“It did strike me as odd,” said one slimeball producer who refused to be identified. “But who am I to look a gift horse in the mouth?”
“On the bright side,” Twinkle said as she got into the backseat of another bigwig’s limo, “When you’re at the bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up! Or possibly sideways while staying just as low.”