BRITNEY SPEARS… COMMITS GENOCIDE!
Famed nude selfie post-er and singer of such chart-topping hits as “Hit Me Baby One More Time” and some other songs, Britney Spears, has made her first bold move since winning her emancipation from a conservatorship… committing the ritual murder of an entire people!
“I’ve never liked the Swiss,” Spears admitted in a social media post. “But in the midst of the whole Free Britney movement, I realized that there are certain issues where it’s just not okay to remain neutral. All it takes for evil to flourish is for Swiss people to remain quiet, and now they’re going to remain quiet forever.”
At press time, it was still unclear how Spears was able to launch the nuclear missiles that destroyed Zurich, Bern, and Geneva, but my sources tell me a certain former president of the United States always had a soft spot for the midriff-baring crooner and may have played a part.