MOVIE MONSTER PULLS CHILD INTO SCREEN:
PARENTS DEMAND REFUND
BOSTON – The Martindale family was shocked when a visit to the Boston Fourteen Cinema Complex turned tragic as their son Barty was yanked out of his seat and into the movie screen by the titular monster of the feature film “The Thing with a Thousand Toes.”
“There we were, an upper middle class, straight, white, American family attempting to patronize our local movie establishment,” Mrs. Martindale explained while clutching her pearls, “when out of nowhere, this thuggish looking creature reaches out of the screen and absconds with our first born. It is totally unacceptable.”
“Yeah, what she said,” added Mr. Martindale as he scratched his prodigious belly. “Lookit.
We hadda pay fifteen bucks for popcorn, ten more for parkin’, and $12.50 on each lousy ticket. I mean, Barty only got to see half the flick so we should oughta get $6.25 back at least am I right?”
Witnesses on the scene reported that the young man in question was seen throwing popcorn at the screen and taunting the infamous monster with grammatically incorrect jeers laced with profanity. It was at this point that the irritated film character allegedly breached the silver screen, wrapped several of its toes around the struggling boy, and pulled him back into its celluloid world.
“I’m not one to cast aspersions or to make judgments on others – that’s just not who I am,” Mrs. Martindale continued, her hands on her hips in a clear indication of displeasure, “but it would not be unfair to characterize this motion picture as less than stellar, even before our offspring was abducted.”
When asked for a response to the couple’s claims, the theater released a statement saying, in part, that “these things happen sometimes. It’s a calculated risk you take in coming to the movies. Hey, I’m not saying it’s fair, but that’s the world we live in.”