MONK URINE IS CLEANER THAN BOTTLED WATER
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A recent discovery by scientists and doctors from the University of Lower Truckee is turning the bottled water world on its head with the unbelievable claim that the urine of certain monks may be purer than that Evian in your hand or Aquafina in the fridge. We had the opportunity to discuss the startling discovery with two of the head researchers, chemical scientist Ryan Harsh and medical doctor Harold Tingles.
REPORTER: So before we get into all the technical details of your findings, let’s start with the impetus for this study. What led you to start down this road? HARSH: What do you mean? REPORTER: I mean, who decided to do research on Monk urine, and specifically, who wanted to know how clean it was? HARSH: Oh. TINGLES: I’ll take that one, Ryan. We did. We wanted to know. The two of us. Dr. Harsh has always been interested in the intersection of chemistry and drinking… HARSH: The Venn Diagram of pure science and popular beverages… TINGLES: …and as a doctor, naturally I’m intrigued at the implied possibilities. REPORTER: And what is your specific area of expertise, doctor? TINGLES: Oh, I’m a podiatrist. I deal primarily with problems of the feet, but I don’t like to limit myself. REPORTER: Interesting. So when you started out, did you have a hypothesis as to why the monk urine would be so pure? HARSH: Come again? REPORTER: It’s just seems -- you have to wonder what makes these particular monks different from the population at large and I would have to think diet would play a large role. HARSH: How so? REPORTER: Well, in the simplest terms, what goes in goes out. A limited diet – perhaps less red meat – or even intermittent fasting – might affect what the body expunges. HARSH: That’s interesting. I never thought of that. REPORTER: That might be something to ask in your follow up questions with the monks. HARSH: What monks? REPORTER: The monks in your study. HARSH: Oh, there weren’t any actual monks involved. TINGLES: I’ll take this one Ryan. You see, the grants we were counting on to fund the travel and research costs for a project of this magnitude didn’t materialize, so we were forced to adust our methodology accordingly. HARSH: Yeah, so we just kind of intuited the results. TINGLES: Eyeballed it. HARSH: It just felt right. It felt true. REPORTER: So you don’t have any hard evidence to back up your claims? HARSH: Oh no, none at all. REPORTER: Isn’t that unethical? To make a claim with no evidence whatsoever? TINGLES: I’ll take this one, Ryan. In addition to “believing” these facts to be true, we also did a series of blind taste tests… HARSH: Not with Monk urine per se… TINGLES: No, not with Monk urine, but with urine that we felt was SIMILAR to Monk urine. HARSH: I mean all water is holy water when you think about it, right? REPORTER: Wow. I mean, just, wow. I can’t imagine this will go over well with the folks in the water bottling industry, or with the folks in the monasteries. All I can say is that if you ever do happen to run into a real Monk, Urine big trouble. HARSH: Don’t do that. TINGLES: You’re better than that. Seriously. |