OZONE HOLE IS GOD’S PEEPHOLE:
HE’S WATCHING AND HE’S SERIOUSLY TICKED OFF!
SIDNEY, AUSTRALIA – If you are one of the millions who search the skies for proof of a higher power, be careful. That higher power might be looking for you too!
An environmental scientist studying the hole in the ozone layer claims he saw the eye of God staring right back at him.
“It was huge and stern and powerful,” says Dr. Lance Gable, “And the color kept changing. I knew right then and there it was the big `G’ keeping an eye on me.”
Prior to his discovery, Dr. Gable believed, like most scientists, that the hole in the ozone layer was caused by mankind’s continual use of chlorofluorocarbons and other ozone-depleting chemicals. But now Gable, who says he was “born again” because of the experience, has completely reversed his opinion. He believes he can speak with the Almighty, and preaches His word with a religious fervor.
Dr. Gable believes:
“Hogwash,” says Reverend Raul Draybol, an expert on modern miracles and hoaxes.
“Yes, many of the world’s religions do believe in an all-seeing deity, but not one who spies on us through a hole like a randy teenager in a locker room. It’s preposterous.”
Nonetheless, Dr. Gable insists that we prepare for God’s wrath.
“The Lord is P.O.’ed,” Gable says, “What with all the war, and killing, and promiscuity and whatnot. Oh, and he’s not too keen on those reality shows either. He’s planning on teaching us a lesson of biblical proportions, so it’s time to repent.”
“If you have confessed your sins and are ready to serve the great eye-in-the-sky, let me give you a tip,” Gable says. “You may want to stay away from large bodies of water, earthquake faults, and especially French cemeteries. Trust me.”
To date, none of Gable’s colleagues, family members, or friends have chosen to adopt his “giant vengeful eyeball” theory. But Gable refuses to give up.
“To paraphrase a favorite holiday ditty,” Gable says, “He knows when you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.”
By Scott D. Peterson as originally printed in the Weekly World News.