WIDOW'S DEAD HUSBAND WON'T LET HER DATE
ANN ARBOR, MI - The ghost of Cynthia Vasquez's late husband Ned is constantly interfering with her attempts to begin dating again, the 47-year-old widow told reporters.
According to the frustrated widow, the possessive poltergeist has:
· Torn her stylish "dating" clothes to ribbons.
· Made rude burping and farting noises to ward off potential suitors.
· Dumped ectoplasm on her new hair-do just before a big date.
· Forced her to slap her date repeatedly when he tried to kiss her.
"His jealousy was cute when he was alive," Vasquez sighed, "but now it's just downright annoying. I didn't ask that freight train to rend him in two, but it's been three years now and I'm ready to move on… before I lose my looks."
The interfering entity first appeared when Vasquez made the mistake of accompanying an eligible young veterinarian to dinner on her ex-husband's birthday.
"Ned was furious," Vasquez said, "Throwing food, levitating the table, and howling like he'd just missed the Super Bowl. Needless to say, I didn't get a goodnight kiss on that date."
Vasquez plans to rid herself of the envious apparition this weekend, having invited over a handsome, local priest for a quick exorcism and a candlelight dinner.
By Scott D. Peterson as originally printed in the Weekly World News