​George Santos’s’s Biggest Lies

​George Santos, aka George Devolder, aka Anthony Devolder, aka Caruthers Winchester Rothschild IV, aka The Fonz, has been known to bend the truth occasionally in order to convince people he is not a complete and total failure. Below are a few of his biggest whoppers -- oh, and he invented the Whopper according to Burger Kings R Us.
 
“George Washington was not the first person to say, ‘I cannot tell a lie.’ Before Washington, Julius Caesar said it. And I said it before him.”
 
“Not only am I 110% Jewish, but you know those Jewish space lasers Marjorie Taylor Green discovered? I control them.”
 
“While attending a prestigious prep school, I crushed my SATs with a score of 9300… at the age of three. And I was blind.”
 
“My mother was killed on 9/11… or someone called 911 when she died. One or the other.”
 
“I created the first vaccine, revolutionizing both medicine and science, but I don’t recommend that anyone ever get a vaccine because we have no idea what’s in them.”
 
“I set up a Go Fund Me to pay for tumor surgery for the dog of a homeless vet, but raised so much money that we also gave the dog lipo, breast implants, and a second tail.”
 
“I was such an amazing volleyball star at Bruch College that the International Sports Playing Association of Sports Athlete People renamed the sport Santosballs!” 
 
“I not only worked at Goldman Sachs early in my career, but I was Goldman. And Sachs barely did anything. To be honest, he kinda rode my coattails.”
 
“I lost four employees at the Pulse nightclub. Not during the shooting, but another night when it was really crowded and I couldn’t find them. Oh, and technically I wasn’t in Florida at the time because of a previous commitment to be in a big parade in Brazil… but there are no pictures of me there so don’t look for them.”
 
“I ran the four-minute mile in two minutes. Uphill. In the snow. With no knees.”
 
“I was in the original Top Gun movie and played the Val Kilmer part. Look it up!”