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  • Links
  • About
  • Video
  • Audio
  • Found
  • Comics
  • Words
    • Scott Poem
    • God Looks Through Ozone Hole
    • Infant's Finger Painting
    • Lady Satan Rehashed
    • Poltergeist Proof
    • Innocent Goat Man
    • Bowl of Mush
    • 200 Celebration
    • Earthworms
    • Why My Willy is Like Icons of the 70's
    • AI Writes Transformative Hotdog Song
    • Ghost of Widow's Husband
    • Babies Are Useless
    • Monk Urine Is Cleaner
    • George Santos Lies
    • BTS: What Does it Mean
    • Zookeeper Cuts Off Arm
    • HYDROMAN REHASHED
    • I Watch the Super Bowl
    • Tales of Terror - Hold My Hand
    • Oh How He Sat
    • The Change
    • You Got the Lyrics Wrong, Dilweed
    • Woman Chokes on Fortune Cookie
    • The Moon Must Be Stopped
    • Quora Questions
    • My Husband's Inappropriate Remarks
    • Family is a Cult
    • The Price of Success
    • Tales of Terror: The Baby
    • Spot the Differences Army of Darkness
    • I'm All Over It
    • Automatic Thank You Letter
    • Clueless Man
    • What's Buggin You?
    • Child's Playmate is Son of Satan
    • Ask An Expert
    • True Tales of Terror: High Beams
    • Slander Zendaya Buries Puppies Alive
    • Henry Cavill Fired as Superman: Races to Horse to be Paralyzed
    • Crappy Little Free Library Is No Amazon
    • Christmas Wish List
    • Extremist Americans Furious With Extremist Germans
    • Batman vs Hulk
    • Elon Musk Fires Himself
    • Congrats on Your Dumb Baby
    • What I'm Thankful For
    • Donald Trump Blames Matrix
    • Terror Within
    • What Scares You
    • Halloween Candy
    • Adult Happy Meal
    • Horror Movie Life Lessons
    • Dudley Dursley
    • Yellow Ribbon
    • Empty Nesters
    • Haunted Womb
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    • After All
    • Elf on a Shelf Spin Offs
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    • Baby Poetry
    • Florence of Arabia
    • Alec Baldwin Ten Percent
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    • Breakfast Theresa
    • Sexy Demogorgon
    • Where Is My Toe
    • Pinocchio Protest
    • Vegas Disasters
    • Cosby Helps with Anesthesia Shortage
    • Taco Bell Toilet Suicide
    • Ukrainian Mad about Plants
    • Horror For Kids
    • Slander: Britney Spears
    • Elevator Operator
    • Chickens
    • Risk He Had To Take
    • Best Horror
    • Slander: Harry Styles
    • Beautiful Pony
    • Top Ten Wife TV
    • Civil War Essay
    • Aquatica Boy
    • Slander: Tom Holland
    • Abraham Lincoln
    • BatBoy
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A very sad boy sits in a corner with his head in his hands

​Ten Ways I Can Tell My Family Is Actually a Cult

By 9-year-old Tommy Langston
​When I first arrived, they forced a name on me and expected me to answer to it the entire time I’m here. 
 
They limit who I can and can’t see and ban me from leaving the compound after dark.
 
I’m told to give complete respect to the eldest members of the tribe and I am not allowed to call them by their real names.
 
They control all of my finances.
 
Before I was even old enough to know what it was meant, I was indoctrinated into a routine of hugs, kisses and saying “I love you” to the powers that be.
 
They tell me what to eat, what to wear, and when to go to bed.
 
I share a bunk with another captive and he’s not even allowed to bathe unsupervised (use the bathroom by himself.)
 
I’m rarely, if ever, left unsupervised. If the leaders do leave the compound, they hire a guard to “baby sit” me while they are gone.
 
They force me to go to indoctrination classes eight hours a day, five days a week… with even more work to do at home. Then they rank me against other captives based on how well I can regurgitate their dogma.
 
Kool-Aid. So much freakin’ Kool-Aid. 
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