“Right-Wing Coup Attempt was OUR Idea”
American Extremists Furious at German Extremists
German authorities arrested 25 terrorists Wednesday who rejected the legitimacy of the German state and planned an armed insurrection, infuriating American terrorist organizations who claimed to have thought of the idea first.
“Total copycats! We had the whole coup idea over two years ago,” argued one bare-chested, Viking helmet-wearing rioter speaking on condition of anonymity from his highly fortified jail cell. “We have it on video, Hans and Fritz! You’re just copying us, following our lead like mindless German sheep… or is that mindless German shepherds??”
A spokesman for the German government reported that the plotters were associated with the
Reichsburger movement, which has been compared to the Sovereign Citizen movement in the US.
“They totally stole that from us,” one inbred, camo-wearing, Fox-news-fueled proud boy whined as he stroked his unkempt beard and rubbed his extended beer belly. “What’s next? Are you phonies gonna start accusing your left-leaning leaders of being pedophiles in pizza houses? Or I suppose you’d call them kinder-lovers in biergartens! Same thing!”
“These Oktoberfest-fanatics even planned for a shadow cabinet of leaders. That’s just a copy of our alternate slate of electors! A total rip off! Total losers! And we got a lot closer to making it happen than they did, I’ll tell you that,” complained a hefty, orange-faced golfer with a bad blonde toupee. “Now I’m the least anti-German person you’ll ever meet – people will tell you, I love German chocolate cake, love it – I could even go for a nice, juicy Reichsburger right about now – delicious -- and these guys set the bar for fascist regimes -- amazing, strong regimes – and I’ll be the first to admit that we’ve totally been pushing for that over here.”
“But that’s not copying,” blubbered Mitch McConnell through several layers of chins. “We see that as more of an homage or a tribute, rather than outright plagiarism. Hail Deutchland!”