EINSTEIN, GHANDI, OR HITLER:
WHAT PERSONALITY TYPE DO YOU HAVE?
TROWBRIDGE, ENGLAND – Don’t be offended if someone says you remind them of the genocidal leader of the Third Reich… it just may be true!
According to a paper presented at the National Convention of Psychology and Psychiatry, top psychologists have determined that each of us fits into one of three distinct personality types: Albert Einstein, Mahatma Ghandi, or Adolf Hitler.
“Love, hate, and reason are the primary motivators in life,” says Dr. Ciena Pardave, research director of the study. “So it is only logical that human beings can be categorized based on their propensity toward behaviors that exemplify one of these divisions.”
“It’s a bunch of scientific mumbo-jumbo,” says an unidentified family therapist based out of Los Angeles. “Givers, Takers, and Theory-Makers? It sounds more like a nursery rhyme than a legitimate personality assessment tool.”
The scientists claim to have volumes of verified data supporting their theory, but are willing to allow each individual to judge for themselves by taking a simplified version of their analytical survey, as presented below.
1) When confronted with a problem, I: A) Try to imagine a creative, but scientific solution. B) Blame others and try to rally support for my rigid beliefs. C) Stop eating.
2) I prefer to wear: A) The same suit every day. B) A German uniform. C) A diaper.
3) I believe in the theory of: A) Relativity. B) Racial Purity. C) Anorexia.
4) I prefer to wear my facial hair: A) Wild and white. B) Small, short, and black. C) No facial hair. In fact, no hair at all. Bald is beautiful.
5) If I could have one wish, no strings attached, I would wish for: A) The answer to life’s biggest mystery. B) World domination. C) A hamburger.
6) I feel most at home in: A) A think tank in New York City. B) A military tank in Dusseldorf. C) A drunk tank in Calcutta.
7) If a speeding car cut me off in traffic, I would think: A) “To his perspective, I must seem to be traveling in reverse.” B) “Die, Fahrfegneugen! Die!” C) “No matter. In his next life he’ll be a very fast cockroach.”
Give yourself 1 point for each time you chose “A,” 2 points for each “B,” and 3 points for each “C.” Total your points and keep reading to discover your true nature.
If you scored 7 to 11 points: According to this theory, you are a thinker. An imaginative dreamer who puts exploration and discovery far ahead of day-to-day tasks, human relationships, and hygiene. Eureka! You are a modern-day Einstein.
If you scored 12 to 17: Uh oh. The psychologists categorize you as an anti-social, intolerant hatemonger with a penchant for global domination. Sorry, pal. Start practicing your goosestep because you’ve got the same personality as Hitler.
If you scored 18 to 21: Peace be with you. This survey pegs you as a pacifist in a world of aggression. You are willing to put yourself out there for others, even if it means losing 10 or 20… or 40 pounds. Look who’s back! You’re the reincarnation of Ghandi.
By Scott D. Peterson as originally printed in the Weekly World News.