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    • Scott Poem
    • God Looks Through Ozone Hole
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    • 200 Celebration
    • Earthworms
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    • AI Writes Transformative Hotdog Song
    • Ghost of Widow's Husband
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    • Monk Urine Is Cleaner
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    • HYDROMAN REHASHED
    • I Watch the Super Bowl
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    • Oh How He Sat
    • The Change
    • You Got the Lyrics Wrong, Dilweed
    • Woman Chokes on Fortune Cookie
    • The Moon Must Be Stopped
    • Quora Questions
    • My Husband's Inappropriate Remarks
    • Family is a Cult
    • The Price of Success
    • Tales of Terror: The Baby
    • Spot the Differences Army of Darkness
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    • Automatic Thank You Letter
    • Clueless Man
    • What's Buggin You?
    • Child's Playmate is Son of Satan
    • Ask An Expert
    • True Tales of Terror: High Beams
    • Slander Zendaya Buries Puppies Alive
    • Henry Cavill Fired as Superman: Races to Horse to be Paralyzed
    • Crappy Little Free Library Is No Amazon
    • Christmas Wish List
    • Extremist Americans Furious With Extremist Germans
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    • Elon Musk Fires Himself
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    • Risk He Had To Take
    • Best Horror
    • Slander: Harry Styles
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Dudley Dursley from Harry Potter

​DUDLEY DURSLEY AND THE DEADLY DANGER

Dudley had no memory of life before the thing under the stairs. 
 
It had always been there. 
 
Hiding. 
 
Plotting. 
 
Scheming. 
 
His parents insisted that they had once been a happy family, living a normal life at 4 Privet Drive, never imagining the horror that would one day come to live with them. 
 
It called itself Harry.
 
The pale, scrawny boy with the messy hair and the disfigured face was an embarrassment to the Dursleys certainly, and a financial burden on his poor generous parents, but Dudley knew he was more than that.
 
He was dangerous.
 
Although Dudley’s parents told the neighbors that Harry was a delinquent who spent nine months of the year at a reformatory school, the truth was much more sinister.
 
Dudley’s estranged cousin Harry was a powerful wizard, a student of black magic, who wanted nothing more than to torture the family who had so generously taken him in. 
 
“If it’s not emotional abuse, it’s definitely harassment, innit?” Dudley asked his counselor at school. “The cheeky git calls me names like Ickle Diddykins and Dinky Diddydums. He tries to fat shame me and says I look like a pig in a wig. It’s rubbish! The dodgy berk even nicks my birthday presents when no one is looking. I only opened 36 gifts this year. But last year I had 37!”
 
“Oh, you poor thing,” the counselor said, choking back her own tears. “That’s awful.”
 
“He’s already nearly killed me once. With a boa constrictor. Luckily, I was able to save my family and leg it away before his plan succeeded, but he won’t stop. That bloody bleeder fancies himself an evil conjurer and will use every spell in his black book to corrupt all that is good and decent and ruin our lives.” Dudley stood up, a determined look on his reddening face. “But if that prat thinks I’m just going to roll over and take it, he’s daft.”
 
“Dudley, please,” the counselor cried. “Don’t do anything foolish. He’s too powerful.”
 
“We may have welcomed the devil into our house,” Dudley said contemptuously as he turned to the door, “but with God as my witness, I’m sending him right back to hell.” 
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