DRAKE IS NOT A DUCK
Although it’s a common misconception in the world of modern music, the singer Drake is not, in fact, a duck. Nothing could be further from the truth!
While Webster’s dictionary does define a “drake” as a male waterfowl, neither ASCAP nor BMI agree with that decidedly limited definition.
“Categorizing musical artists in any way is for the birds,” said ASCAP spokesman Robin Finch. “He’s rock. She’s R&B. They’re soul. He’s a semi-aquatic waterfowl. The whole thing is bird brained. Music is music and trying to pigeonhole Drake as a duck is wrong. I mean, what’s the mallard with people anyway?”
According to experts, Drake, whose real name is Aubrey Drake Graham, holds the most #1 rap singles of all time, dated singer Rihanna for years, and ducks have highly waterproof feathers.
“I get it. I get it,” Drake’s manager Raven Crane said. “Drake rhymes with ‘lake’ and ducks love lakes, but that’s as far as the connection goes. Oh, and they are both omnivorous. Agreed. And neither one mates for life. Granted. And they both have beautiful natural plumage. I’ll give you that.”
Crane took a deep breath to refocus, then continued.
“But during the Cold War, nobody told students to ‘Drake and Cover’ now did they? And answer me this, Mr. Smarty Pants. Does Drake lay eggs? No. He does not! At least, not that I know of. I mean, it’s not like I’m with him 24 hours a day or anything. Next question.”
One thing no one seemed willing to talk about is the fact that most ducks live to be around 20 years of age which is three to five years older than most of Drake’s groomed companions.
Asked to put all these bird rumors to rest, we cornered duck – I mean Drake – dining al fresco at a tony nightspot in the Big Apple.
“The only bill I have is from dining at a fancy New York restaurant,” Drake quipped to a reporter. “And you can have it!”
Drake initially agreed to a full sit-down in depth interview to clear the record, but ran off when he saw an old lady on a park bench tossing out bread crumbs.