It’s a common worry for new homeowners and for long-time residents as well: the fear that demonic entities are lurking just beneath the surface of your wallpaper. But other than bringing in an exorcist or a pricey interior designer, how can you know for sure? If you can answer honestly, this surefire questionnaire will let you know one way or the other if your home has been infested by hell’s underlings!
1) If you knock on the wall, does something knock back? Try it!
2) Do you wake up in the middle of the night to find yourself clawing frantically at the walls, fingernails red with blood as you dig into the paper with an inhuman desperation boarding on mania?
3) Do pictures on the wallpaper twist and morph from playful animals to malevolent hellhounds hungering for human blood? That’s a good clue.
4) When you hammer a nail in to put up a picture, does the hole bleed profusely while the wall emits unholy screams of agony?
5) When you lean against the wall, do you catch a nauseating whiff of sulfur as sudden mental flashes of death graves car crash blood hellfire fill your skull with an almost uncontrollable desire to bludgeon your children with a lawn chair?
If you answered yes to three or more of these questions, you very well may have a demon behind your wallpaper and it’s time to move out… or at the very least, remodel!