BABIES ARE USELESS
Have you ever seen a baby
Squirming out of some fat lady
And you wonder what the fuss is all about?
It looks like a pile of jelly.
Kind of noisy. Kind of smelly.
Well there's one thing I can say without a doubt:
Babies are useless.
They contribute nothing to society.
Babies are leeches
With nothing to teach us
But how to eat and burp and poop and pee.
The whining little nippers
Can't even fetch your slippers
And god forbid they try to use a knife.
They can't cook or clean.
Or even read a magazine
And they can't hold a job to save their life.
Why put on the planet
A beast devoid of talent
Whose survival depends totally on others?
They'll steal your last dime
And take up all your time
And turn your lovely wives into their mothers!
The world is too darn full
Of a species for whom drool
Is their ultimate and final contribution.
I demand we have a ban
On all children under ten
And we write it in the U.S. Constitution!