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  • Links
  • About
  • Video
  • Audio
  • Found
  • Comics
  • Words
    • Scott Poem
    • God Looks Through Ozone Hole
    • Infant's Finger Painting
    • Lady Satan Rehashed
    • Poltergeist Proof
    • Innocent Goat Man
    • Bowl of Mush
    • 200 Celebration
    • Earthworms
    • Why My Willy is Like Icons of the 70's
    • AI Writes Transformative Hotdog Song
    • Ghost of Widow's Husband
    • Babies Are Useless
    • Monk Urine Is Cleaner
    • George Santos Lies
    • BTS: What Does it Mean
    • Zookeeper Cuts Off Arm
    • HYDROMAN REHASHED
    • I Watch the Super Bowl
    • Tales of Terror - Hold My Hand
    • Oh How He Sat
    • The Change
    • You Got the Lyrics Wrong, Dilweed
    • Woman Chokes on Fortune Cookie
    • The Moon Must Be Stopped
    • Quora Questions
    • My Husband's Inappropriate Remarks
    • Family is a Cult
    • The Price of Success
    • Tales of Terror: The Baby
    • Spot the Differences Army of Darkness
    • I'm All Over It
    • Automatic Thank You Letter
    • Clueless Man
    • What's Buggin You?
    • Child's Playmate is Son of Satan
    • Ask An Expert
    • True Tales of Terror: High Beams
    • Slander Zendaya Buries Puppies Alive
    • Henry Cavill Fired as Superman: Races to Horse to be Paralyzed
    • Crappy Little Free Library Is No Amazon
    • Christmas Wish List
    • Extremist Americans Furious With Extremist Germans
    • Batman vs Hulk
    • Elon Musk Fires Himself
    • Congrats on Your Dumb Baby
    • What I'm Thankful For
    • Donald Trump Blames Matrix
    • Terror Within
    • What Scares You
    • Halloween Candy
    • Adult Happy Meal
    • Horror Movie Life Lessons
    • Dudley Dursley
    • Yellow Ribbon
    • Empty Nesters
    • Haunted Womb
    • Wolfman of Steel
    • Tales of Terror: Hook
    • After All
    • Elf on a Shelf Spin Offs
    • Pie
    • Baby Poetry
    • Florence of Arabia
    • Alec Baldwin Ten Percent
    • Wife TV Shows Bachelor
    • Breakfast Theresa
    • Sexy Demogorgon
    • Where Is My Toe
    • Pinocchio Protest
    • Vegas Disasters
    • Cosby Helps with Anesthesia Shortage
    • Taco Bell Toilet Suicide
    • Ukrainian Mad about Plants
    • Horror For Kids
    • Slander: Britney Spears
    • Elevator Operator
    • Chickens
    • Risk He Had To Take
    • Best Horror
    • Slander: Harry Styles
    • Beautiful Pony
    • Top Ten Wife TV
    • Civil War Essay
    • Aquatica Boy
    • Slander: Tom Holland
    • Abraham Lincoln
    • BatBoy
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YOUR CART

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Well, now that the holidays are over, it’s time for that dreaded task of sending thank you letters. But thanks to new-fangled AI NFT LMFAO technology, you can haphazardly enter a few keystrokes and your computer-generated Thank You card is ready to send without the least bit of time, thought, or genuine sentiment. 
 

Dear    a) Friend/Relative/Acquaintance
            b) Sweet Loved One Who I Cherish
            c) Co-worker who drew my name for Secret Santa
            d) Satan
 
I just wanted to drop you      a) a letter
                                                b) a personal message of love
                                                c) like a hot potato
                                                d) off at the Piggly Wiggly
 
To say thank you for   a) the holiday keepsake (I love potpourri AND David Hasselhoff)
                                    c) Such a tempting buy-now pay-later furniture offer.
                                    d) Dropping me off your holiday list altogether.
                                    e) Fruitcake.
 
It will come in handy  a) When I use it for its appropriate purpose.
                                     b) On dozens of occasions and I’ll always think of you, Sugarlumps.
                                     c) In hell.  See you there.
                                     d) When cleaning my dog of worms. 
 
A holiday gesture like this could only come from a:
                                    a) Friend / acquaintance who really/sort of knows me. 
                                    b) True Saint with a capital “S.”
                                    c) Cheap tart who turns tricks to buy smack, crack, and the Knack.
                                    d) Fruitcake.   

In regards to my gift to you, well, it’s
                                    a) In the mail.
                                    b) Sure to enhance your marital consummation.
                                    c) Time consuming, but I engraved the suppositories myself.
                                    d) Fruitcake.  

Please, if you’re ever in town
                                    a) You must stay with us, no we insist, we won’t hear of it, no bother, consider it done.
                                    b) Look us up. Maybe even call. We do screen calls so don’t hesitate to leave a message.
                                    c) Keep us in your thoughts. Hopes and prayers!
                                    d) Refrain from picking your pits ‘til you go back to that backwards hick state you crawled out of.   

In fact, let’s make plans now. Please come by
                                    a) For New Years.
                                    b) During Skin Shedding Season.
                                    c) When hell freezes over you cheap sumvabitch.
                                    d) Fruitcake.  

Well, I’ve got to cut this letter short,
                                     a) Work beckons.
                                     b) The twins are teething.
                                     c) I have live bees in my breasts.
                                     d) It is not I who am mad. It is I who am crazy.  

a) Sincerely and with warmest regards,
b) Love always with hearts and chrysanthemums,
c) Burn in hell,
d) Fruitcake,

                       _______________________
                        YOUR NAME HERE
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