I Just Bought an Adult Happy Meal Toy
​on Ebay for $150, Suckers!

I can’t believe I outbid all of you other clowns (no offense, Ronald!) and will soon be in possession of my very own Adult Happy Meal toy, the uber popular collectible that has sold out at McDonalds restaurants across the country. Nice work, McMoron!
 
For only 150 bucks, plus shipping, I stole this gem away from all the other less sophisticated collectors like a modern day hamburglar and now I can’t help but laugh at them for their short-sightedness and naivete. When this baby gets up to 200, 300, or even 400 dollars in the next few months, I’ll be sitting pretty and they’ll be feeling sh*tty! Over one billion customers just got served! Boom! 
 
For you naysayers who predict that the mania over Adult Happy Meal toys will wane like every other collectible fad over the last twenty years – that’s a Ray Kroc of Shite. I can guarantee you that this frenzy will last as long as an unrefrigerated quarter pounder, i.e. forever! I may have lost most of my savings on Beanie Babies, all of my retirement funds on Cabbage Patch Kids, and the paltry sums I made donating blood and semen on Furbies and Teddy Ruxpins, but that’s not going to happen to me again! 
 
So don’t come crawling to me a year from now when these small, mass-produced, cheap, plastic chotchkes are more desired than an out-of-season McRib and literally worth their weight in gold (or golden arches) and you’re crying in your shamrock shake because you missed the boat. You losers can kiss my McNuggets; I’m the Big Mac in town now and the only thing getting super-sized here is my bank account! I’m lovin’ it!